Alright, so let’s make this clear to start, Tom Hanks is one of the good guys. But, unless you were living under a rock for a large portion of the early 2000s, you’ve seen (cried) Castaway. We all watched Tom Hanks (Chuck Noland) isolated on an island, fighting for his sanity, fighting for his life and we’ve all seen Wilson provide him with the semblance of sanity that allows him to persevere. We’ve all cried as Wilson falls off the raft and floats away. **I’ll give you a minute to compose yourself after reading and remembering that**
I have used this analogy lately and was able to connect with my good friend, Evin Schwartz, today and talk about this***. What I believe we need to do more in life, especially right now, is be a bit more like Wilson and a bit less like Tom Hanks. Wilson rides the wave. Wilson is eternally present. Tom Hanks battles throughout. He fights the waves and exists in either the past or the future. All of this to say, be present.
My anxiety and frustration stem from my worries about the future nearly 90% of the time. Yours may come from focusing on the past. We worry about what we said and what someone thought about it. We worry about whether this COVID stuff is ever going to end. We worry about what impact this will have on kids down the road or what impact it had on them previously. We spend time fighting the waves that just passed or fighting the waves that might be coming, ignoring the present that we’re experiencing. Simply put, we spend time fighting the time that has already escaped us or the time that is not guaranteed rather than spending time in the present.
Never in my life have I seen a wave that rose and fell, without rising again. At the moment, we may recognize the rise but we always feel the dip and when we feel the dip we have two primary options: 1) fight to rise back up or 2) ride the wave and trust that it will rise again.
If we choose to fight the waves, we run the risk of fighting through the rise, fighting the positive, and becoming more concerned about being in the water than on top of it. We quite literally cannot control everything that happens in our lives, but when we try to, we become addicted to fighting the waves. We become addicted to fighting the time that we already lost or the time that is coming. In an effort to bring ourselves back up, we lose sight of opportunities where life provides the opportunity to rise back up.
Recently I have fallen back in love with meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork. Regardless of what this looks like for you, it is the act of forcing yourself to be present. Whether it is drinking a cup of coffee and spending 5 minutes thinking about how warm the mug is, how the coffee feels as I drink it, how I appreciate the farmers who spent time carefully growing, harvesting and preparing the bean, I force myself to be present. When my mind wanders, I acknowledge it, embrace the ability to feel the emotion (as intrusive as it may be) and bring myself back to the present.
Resilience isn’t built in the moments of turmoil and stress but before they ever happen. Intentionally focusing on being present allows us to ride the wave. It allows us to acknowledge where we are at without judgment and more clearly and easily identify what we can and cannot control. Beyond all of that, focusing on being present quite literally rewires our brain****. We become better at riding the wave rather than fighting it.
Evin was telling me about a great 1-minute mindfulness practice. If you do not have one minute to invest in yourself daily, there are larger issues at play. I would challenge you to at minimum commit to one minute for one week. For the first 15 seconds close your eyes and smile. Simple, yet powerful, both mentally and physiologically. Picture someone you love in your mind smiling back. Then for the next 45 seconds take long deep breaths and focus on breathing. One minute. One minute for one week.
Listen, we’re all frustrated with things in the world right now. We’re all experiencing many of the same issues, frustrations, and concerns, but much of it is out of our control. We have two options; we can be more like Wilson or we can be more like Tom Hanks. In a world that is more than happy to push me under the water, I choose to be more like Wilson and allow myself to be present and ride the wave. Whenever it goes down, it always rises again. Ride the wave. Be present. Be more like Wilson and a little less like Tom Hanks.
***If you’re on Twitter check out @EvinSchwartz – He is doing amazing work both with his company Beluga and the #SameHere movement to bring attention to mental health. He is also just a genuinely good dude. ****Harvard Research on Mindfulness
Joe Mullikin 